In A Lifetime Never Met A Clever Rival

1
My cleverness no match had met
In Esau, Isaac of the past;
But now it's life or death, and yet
I still in self would place my trust.
My hands are tied — submitting not,
I still would struggle, scheme and plot.
2
It seems one comes to rob my home;
Afraid, yet stubborn, I persist,
I fear my final day has come—
With every ounce of strength, resist.
He comes to wrestle; I defend:
I'll fight Him to the bitter end.
3
How strange! Though every wile I've used,
For one whole night, yet still He stands.
I see my strength has been reduced,
And yet revenge is not His plan.
How strange! Although I can't get free,
My courage grows exceedingly.
4
I've never met with such a foe,
And even if He states His name,
Of this opponent naught I know,
But that from Him reward I'd gain.
I'd force Him blessing to bestow,
And, blessing, His surrender own.
5
'Tis dawn, yet have I won, or He?
It's still impossible to see.
My Rival, forced, now blesses me,
To me concedes the victory .
Says "Israel" is my new name;
But when I rise, my thigh is lame.
6
The faintest light in darkened heart
Begins to shine — I realize:  
If I'm so strong, why grasp the heel?
If victor, why the crippled thigh?
‘Twas He who won and left this sign,
          From folly warning me thereby.
7
A flood of light: This heart of mine,
As breaks the dike by swelling tide,
At once in radiance divine
Must worship, and in shame must hide.
So great my sin, I must confess:
I'm lawless, full of filthiness.
8
Alas! To think: I overcame
Creator God Omnipotent!
Ridiculous! Oh, woe is me!
Death is my fitting punishment.
That these, mine own two hands, rebelled
The mighty God to stop and held!
9
Thou, God, dost shine so gloriously;
Thou, Lord of hosts, resplendent, bright,
At once, at recognizing Thee,
And realizing who Thou art,
I cry aloud, and tearfully
I must repent and bow the knee.
10
How can it be that I could see
Him face to face and hand to hand?
If only earth would swallow me,
My shame to hide, my life to end.
Why did I not, at life's first start,
Pass on, from earth in sleep depart?
11
I hate myself; my heart was dim,
For blinded were mine eyes by pride;
Now, at the thought of conquering Him,
I tremble and am terrified.
Not just my thigh, but all my strength
I've lost; I'm broken, paralyzed.
12
As I look back at all my life,
I see that it's corrupt entire.
For self, my God I sacrificed;
My foolish heart knew but desire.
What then I thought that "blessing" be
Was forcing God to grant my plea.
13
"I wish: the heav'n must fall in line.
I plan: my Lord must coincide.
I want: my God should step aside.
I work: my God must be my guide.
When I am rushed, He must not stay,
For once, His victory to display."
14
There's one so evil here below,
So proud, deceitful, obstinate;
Lord, that I'm Jacob Thou dost know:
One Thou should'st but detest and hate;
No hope have I but mercy Thine
Upon this wretched heart of mine.
15
I grope — at once His mercy find.
At first lame step — His grace is mine!
If I forget, my wounded thigh
Reminds: on naught can I rely.
Though Israel I'm named by Thee,
Yet Jacob ever lame shall be.
16
O Lord, ‘twas Thou that overcame;
In Thy defeat, defeat I'd claim;
To Thee I yield my victory;
Thy weakness drops me to my knees.
In fear and trembling all my days
Thy will I'd do, Thy name I'd praise.

Copyright Living Stream Ministry. Used by permission.

1
Zach Vernon

Bothell, WA

Amen